Books by Lorie Ann Grover

Books by Lorie Ann Grover
Kirkus Starred Review, Firstborn: "A fantasy that reads like a lost history tome and deftly examines issues of gender...An engrossing story with welcome depths."

Monday, September 17, 2018

Judged an Angry Woman

My collage on the former site, Polyvore

It was recently concluded by some not currently walking beside me, that I have anger issues and need anger management therapy. It is interesting the persons are concerned about my anger and not Tom Chantry's angry felonies of physical assault against children, or his upcoming molestation trials. So, I have a few thoughts.

1. Women may be angry and express themselves in healthy ways. It is acceptable, as it was in the Women's March. Children may be angry and express themselves in healthy ways. It is acceptable, as it was in March for Our Lives. (It is a given in our society and already acceptable that men may be angry and express it.)

2. When I see the vulnerable oppressed and outcast by the powerful, I will be angry. This is compassion and full of light.

3. When I experience anger, like any other emotion, I acknowledge it, hold it, and it passes.

4. And then I act to help rectify the situation. Anger over injustice can fuel action which moves toward ending suffering and oppression. One may resist, run, seek help, listen, speak, support, march, litigate, legislate, paint, write, or more.

Emotions are part of humanity. They give a richness to life. We don't need to fear them. We don't need to hide, bury, or be ashamed of our emotions. We can hold each one, watch it pass, and compassion bloom.

For those who feel free to label me an angry woman, I challenge you to sit quietly. Remember what it was like to be seven years old. Now think of an esteemed adult who held the power in your life. Imagine that person assaulting you and telling you that if you tell anyone about your pain and fear, you will go to hell. Imagine your terror.

I can only hope you are moved to anger. Now, open yourself to compassion and act for another. 


Tango Whiskey said...

Great post! I agree with what you have expressed. I particularly liked the challenge to imagine yourself as a seven year-old child who was being abused by a trusted adult.

Lorie Ann Grover said...

Thank you, Tango.

Anonymous said...

Well said. Our’s was a stoic church. It was preached that rather than be slow to anger, we were to not let it come to the surface. We were taught that emotions were not necessary and we could have joy without emotion. Sermons were preached in an emotionless fashion. One of the men even said he would not trust a Pastor who showed emotion during his preaching. To top it all off our church was the only one doing it right. All others were inferior. That was the message we got.

Do you realize what that kind of teaching does to people? It plunge my husband into depression and he just quit going to church. It made my son into an argumentative person and he began to drive his friends away if they didn’t see things his way.

I look back on the last 10 years there and, yes, it makes me angry that what we were taught had such a negative affect on my family. And as I watch the progress of the Chantry diabolical and the actions of the leaders in ARBCA, that makes me angry too. I won’t even get into the psychological abuse, lies and bullying that drove us out of there.

But my anger isn’t a dead end. I can use what happened to us to comfort others who feel they are alone in this. I can use my anger to pray for my friends who are still being misguided there. I can use my anger to validate those who are abused. And in my anger, I can go to God and He listens and He exchanges my anger for peace and joy as I learn to be still and know that He is God. I can be joyful that He has given us a new place of worship where joy is abundant, where the pastor preaches like he means it and is passionate about it, a place my husband wants to go and a place where my son has had a change in attitude and repaired his friendships.

Yes, there is a time for anger, righteous anger, and when we have channeled that anger in the right direction, we can be joyful that it has spured us to appropriate action.



I have also been judged as an angry and bitter man because I just recently cut all ties with ARBCA. I am a missionary who was supported by some ARBCA churches/individuals. I was "letting bitterness consume me" because of my angry denunciation of their cover-up, which, indeed, now appears proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to have happened. I announced that I would never again ever visit any ARBCA church as a missionary or take any funds from anyone associated with ARBCA because of the Chantry case and how they mishandled it.

Remember - passivity in the face of injustice is not a virtue. Being able to keep your serenity when people not only fail to protect the weak and neediest among us but then shield the perpetrator and enable him to pastor another church (pass the trash), is not a cause for praise. All good people MUST be angry about some things.

Jesus was angry without sinning in the Gospels. We can be, too. And we SHOULD be on some subjects.

Stay angry for justice, my friend!

Douglas R Belardi said...

Douglas R. Belardi

In light of the following Scripture, and the failure of the Elders and Deacons of Heritage Baptist Church in Mansfield, the leadership of ARBCA (past and present) and IRBS to live lives “above reproach” I call upon all of them to resign their positions of Christian authority over their respective flocks since they have proven themselves to be mere “hirelings” and not shepherds at all

1 Timothy 3 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
Overseers and Deacons
3 It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. 2 An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. 4 He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity 5 (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), 6 and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. 7 And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

8 Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not double-tongued, or addicted to much wine]or fond of sordid gain, 9 but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. 10 These men must also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach. 11 Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things. 12 Deacons must be husbands of only one wife, and good managers of their children and their own households. 13 For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a high standing and great confidence in the faith that is in Christ Jesus.

14 I am writing these things to you, hoping to come to you before long; 15 but in case I am delayed, I write so that you will know how one ought to conduct himself in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and support of the truth.

Titus 1:5-9 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
Qualifications of Elders
5 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, 6 namely, if any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion. 7 For the overseer must be above reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, 9 holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict.

Lorie Ann Grover said...

Thank you, Anonymous, Trevor, and Douglas. Here's to marching forward and restoring truth and beauty. Here's to good care, comfort, understanding, and healing for victims. Here's to kingdom now.

Ciaran said...

I'm just a going-on-middle-aged man who spent almost 30 years in a spiritually abusive RB church and I've realized those years are something I can never get back. It's an experience that I cannot change, and that is, for good or worse, a part of me now. It's who I am. And that fucking pisses me off. But, at the same time, I'm seeing that my experience, being part of who I am, just IS and I have an opportunity to make some use of it. It seems to focus my words and my shattered mind. The thing that broke me can also, perhaps, be used to help to "Re-FORM" me (the irony is recognized). Love is always best. Anger can burn, and it can clean. But apathy is death. God save us from apathetic stupor!

Lorie Ann Grover said...

Blessings on your walk forward, Ciaran, loved and loving in the midst of re-forming. said...

Lori, I commend you for being angry - holy angry! That is the godly and biblical response to the evil carried out by Thomas Chantry and covered up by those associated with him. Thanks for faithfully following the Lord.

Lorie Ann Grover said...

Thanks, Brent. Right back at you!

Paul Schmidt said...

The uber-pious steeped in high-minded doctrine and/or legalism (but also sadly deficient in hearing true gospel preaching) have always taken offense at those who speak out against falsehoods and corruption, Lorie Ann. For them, labeling you "an angry woman" is simpler and much less uncomfortable than squaring up to their complacency and their silent consent to crimes and secrets.

The parallels between ARBCA and its sycophants and the Roman Catholic Church from the Dark Ages up to present-day is striking and disturbing. The Church (however it is defined) does not reside above the State. Nor is it below the State. They are co-equals with responsibilities to the other -- and that means the Church reports all crimes, suspected or otherwise.

If any elder or deacon in an ARBCA church reads the evidence against Tom Chantry and ARBCA's clear attempt to hide and shield him, and is not moved to call for that church's exit from ARBCA, then at least have the decency and courage to step down from your office.

Lorie Ann Grover said...

It takes much to reach out to understand, find compassion, and act to restore justice. So much work to be done, Paul!

Dave said...

I’m leaving my ARBCA Church because we are finally thinking about voting on this issue. I find out this has been going on in ARBCA for some time... and we all just doodles around as if this was not excreable and vomitous to even consider being a part of this organization! A vote!? A VOTE!?? To what? See if we remain with an organization that protects a child molester?! I recommended to a fellow brother that instead of a vote, we should put a garbage can in front of our church and publicly burn all of our ARCBA crap and then send the ashes in a bag with a duck taped piece of paper to it with “resigned” scrawled in black marker.

A vote?! And then stay in fellowship with fellow brethren that voted to stay with ARBCA? Nice bit of unity. No seeds of destruction sown.

Sometimes the Elders need to man up. Make a stand LOUDLY on Ecclesiastical Lubricity!

If you are not steaming mad over this Church killing issue, then there is something wrong with you! Yeeesh!

Lorie Ann Grover said...

Thanks for your thoughts and sharing your emotions, Dave. And your encouragement. I understand the anger. I hope you find love and light in the next part of your journey. And your anger fuels justice. Onward!